I Love Me Some Javier, But I Might Be Baezed
Out on the road today, I saw a Deadhead sticker on a Cadillac, and the illustration next to it was Salvador Perez's abuelita. A little voice inside my head said, "Don't look back. You can never look...
View ArticleJay Bruce Makes My Bowels Loose
I thought Jay Bruce was a lock for 30/100 not dirty undies. Thirty-hundo not dirty-undies! All year Bruce Stinksteen has been behind "Born to Run" Billy Hamilton, Todd Frazier, who's classically...
View ArticleMy Back Is Down, Chicago Rizz
The other day I talked about the dark underbelly of roster expansion and how, due to teams not DL'ing their players, it can actually hurt us in this thing we call life. Well, some of us call it fantasy...
View ArticleCards 1st Base Looking For Hambones, Scruggs & Harmony
Recently, Matt Adams and his melon-ball shape has either been dreadful or benched for Daniel Descalso. The only time Descalso should be in front of Adams is in pictures, so the photographer can see...
View ArticleWashington No Closer To Progress
After Rafael Soriano once again looked like his apologetic alter ego, Sorry-yo, Matt Williams said the Nats won't have a set closer. Let's backtrack to August 18th, it was a day after the fourth time...
View ArticleIf You Like Michael Pineda, And Making Love In The Rain
Didja you know The Captain from Captain & Tennille's real name is Daryl Dragon? Why would this guy have a nickname? Your name's awesome, you don't get a nickname. Daryl Dragon has bedtime slippers...
View ArticleTop 80 Outfielders for 2015 Fantasy Baseball
Today we go over the top 80 outfielders for 2015 fantasy baseball, which comes after we went over the top 60 outfielders for 2015 fantasy baseball, which came after the top 40 outfielders for 2015...
View ArticleThe Numbers Game: Power and Speed
It's no secret that offense has been in decline across the board in major league baseball in recent years. It seems like only, uh, 17 years ago that the race was on to see who could break Roger Maris'...
View ArticleA Buy Named Souza
Steamer/Razzball projections are at or near the top with the best projections in baseball. Not the best at our site, that's easy, they are. They're the best when people drop nerd science with...
View ArticleBlowout Sale
Imagine Gangsta Gangsta's Ice Cube singing, "With a right left, right left you toothless, and then you say goddamn they ruthless," but not coming out of Ice Cube's mouth, but out of Glass Joe's mouth...
View ArticleGattis Might Pips The Mariners
Yesterday, Evan Gattis went 2-for-4, 3 runs, 4 RBIs with his 5th and 6th homers, while hitting four homers in the last three days. After the game, Gattis likened this streak to the five red lights in a...
View ArticleGallo Is A Fine Wine Before It’s Time
Adrian Beltre was diagnosed with a dislocated left thumb. The doctor said it could be anywhere, his glove compartment, upstairs by the hamper, in the basement by the weights we bought you in high...
View ArticleHeston In Planet Of The Aughts
When Chris Heston entered the 1st inning and said, "Keep your stupid bats off my pitches, you damn dirty Mets," we should've known we were in for a historic night. Or at least a histrionic one. I was...
View ArticleWolfgang Ahmeniscus Cozart
Member how I was saying yesterday that I owned Zack Cozart in multiple leagues, and he was a top five shortstop this year on our Player Rater, but I didn't really appreciate him? Do I even need to tell...
View ArticleAmbulance Chasers, Week 18: Wilson Drifts Away
According to IMDB, Tom Hanks' character spent 1500 days alone on the island. We don't have that much time left in a baseball season — although I'd love to see small sample size debates still raging...
View ArticleSayonehara
The Red Sox season is like the guy that knocks over the Jenga structure with the first block pulled, then manages to somehow knock every single block off the table, even the ones on the very bottom....
View ArticleShoemaker Jockeys Verlander For One-Hit Derbies
As Jeff Probst once said, "Turnabout is Johnny Fairplay," which was his mashup of Bonnie Tyler's Total Eclipse of the Heart line, "Turn around, bright eyes," which was co-opted by a children's toy...
View ArticleAmbulance Report, Week 25: Injuries and Ensuing Panik
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, It was the age of 60-day DL moves, It was the age of activations and promotions, It was the epoch of balancing playing time options, It was the...
View ArticleTop 80 Outfielders for 2016 Fantasy Baseball
We're nearing the end of hitters in the 2016 fantasy baseball rankings, but there's still a few buzzer-beating gems left. Ranked this late last year was David Peralta....and he's ranked again this...
View ArticleRazznasty Update: 2016 Dynasty Baseball League
Welcome back campers to the second season of Razzball's homegrown dynasty baseball league, "The Razznasty", filled with readers, writers, commenters, and J-FOH. It's with great pleasure that I ring in...
View ArticleAstros Choose Luke Over The Force
*takes a long inhale* "You smell that, Roberta? You, with the yellow-stained armpits and sweatpants, I'm calling you Roberta. That's baseball you smell. In its infinite complexity and finite...
View ArticleShelling Duvall
A Duvall hasn't looked this good since Popeye starring Robin Williams. You thought I was going Robert Duvall and I steered it into Crazytown with Shelley Duvall. By the way, don't look at current...
View Article(Dy)Sunrise, (Tolle)Sunset
Tolleson had his cookies tossed for the last time on Tuesday. Or maybe Shawn Tolleson caused his owners' cookies to be tossed? Sounds too passive, said Flesch-Kincaid, but you get the idea. By the...
View ArticleLook Who Justin Showed Up
Did I just get something from nothing? Because Justin Upton is nothing, and I got something yesterday -- 2-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and a slam (4) and legs (2). Therefore, hence, Argo the movie,...
View ArticleGio Gonzalez’s Ratios Too Filling? Try Gio Lito!
Here's what I said this offseason, "Before watching the video on Lucas Giolito, I looked at his vitals. This is something I don’t usually do. Doesn’t really matter to me if a guy is six-foot-one or...
View ArticlePolanco Declares Indongpendence Twice
Hey, Razzball Nation, you know it's your favorite white boy, right? I owe you this one. I've been patiently waiting for Gregory Polanco to explode on. You can pfft if you want but his ankles were...
View ArticleHendricks Gins Up Another Gem
Yesterday, Kyle Hendricks went 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks, lowering his ERA (if that's even possible at this point) to 2.09. The Seattle museum, Experience Music Project is going to need to...
View ArticleAmbulance Chasers: Hoping for Trout But Getting Jennings
In order to write this article, I quickly jot down any player who I see or hear about being reported injured throughout the week, just so I can check back later and see the extent of the injury. I have...
View ArticleI Will Start 4 2
I'm not a woman. I'm not a man. I am something that you refer to as Fantasy Master Lothario. I'll never beat you (except in fantasy, that is my pledge). I'll never lie (except about how much I once...
View ArticleSale + Jameson’s In Boston Leads To Bad Things
Somewhere, Melissa Leo is acting out today's title and it's so spot on you're not sure if you should applaud, or put your wallet in the front pocket. "I came straight from the packie because I heard...
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